I’m not ready.
There, I said it.
As we are on the cusp of the new year, I realize that I don’t feel ready yet. I feel like I’m hiding behind and holding onto the legs of 2016 and being nudged (shoved) forward into the 2017. These past few months have made me realize that I haven’t been dealing with some stuff I need to, holding on to other stuff I need to let go of and now that I’ve discovered all of this, I just want to leave it here and not carry it forward into next year.
Time seems to be leaving and my soul is begging it to slow down. One more month, 2016. Come on. Okay, one more week then. Just give me another day to face this. I want a clean slate.
This year has been more challenging for me than I’ve had in awhile. Health issues this year have plagued me. Feeling not my self. Watching parts of my body I never paid attention to fight back and scream at me, “Here I am! Pay attention to me now!”
Life purpose doubts.
Yeah, the biggies.
While I would love to grant them all spiritual bypasses as I KNOW this is all necessary for the evolution of my soul, my heart feels like it’s screaming to stop trying to placate it.
Let it hurt, Shari.
Let it NOT be okay.
Let yourself feel the fear, feel the doubts, and then feel your way THROUGH it.
Don’t throw another pretty positive affirmation or spiritual law on it just to bypass what you’re actually feeling. When I do that, I’m not actually honoring what is being shared with me from my spirit. I think I get so nervous about getting stuck in something and I have to remember that it’s not actually asking me to put a down payment on a home with a lifetime mortgage in that space, but I think it IS asking me to at least set up a tent for a little while and hang out for a bit. Figure out what I want, what I don’t want, what feels good and what doesn’t and what I still need to heal.
So while I might be holding a teeny-tiny, almost-barely-visible-to-the-eye, slight minuscule grudge against this time thing, I will let it do its thing because first, I have no choice and secondly, it has always treated me pretty fairly and I always have learned something during it.
So…I guess I can thank you.
Thank you, 2016.
Thank you for teaching me that tying a pretty bow on the outside of something doesn’t actually change that something into being any prettier or the right size.
Time marches on whether we want it to or not.
Let’s make a deal, 2017. Whatever you hand me this coming year, we will co-create it together with grace, love, strength and humor.
And my feelers. I promise to use those a lot more.
With Love & A Big Exhale,